People say the strangest things

Things I have said or heard in the past week:

Mike, don't let Cole touch my work scrubs. They have placenta on them. (me)

I had to ice a dogs crotch for 30 minutes today. (me)

I was so drunk I vomited on my dogs head and then he ate it. (my coworker)

My dad can crush a walnut with his bare hands. (third grader)

My teacher eats food that smells like rotten poo. (first grader)

I've heard that you gain weight from the top down when you are pregnant. (third grader)